Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in jordan_breann's LiveJournal:

Friday, March 3rd, 2006
8:37 pm	Chelsea Rae..is my boo. okay so... I love Chelsea Rae Rollinson. shes wonderful and she doesnt even know it. loving her is an "understatement" ((she said that)) she means the world to me. and i cant imagine my life without her. ♥ ♥ (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 2nd, 2006
4:22 pm	i think this is how love goes. So im in love with this one boy. he has a lip percing and a toung ring and black hair. and he likes dr. pepper && listens to ICP((ewwww) i was cold. he held me. hes cute. i like him. i almost want to spend the rest of my life with him. but then... Sean. i dont know which one i like more. ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? im confused. a lot. ♥ ♥ Current Mood: creative (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 25th, 2006
6:24 pm	FUCK ICP KIDS! so... as of last night.. my life is over. Chris broke up with me.. i went to a party with Ashley and i got so fucked up. 6 shots of vodka 3 hits of weed.. and i was crying the whole night. like histaricly He was the only boy that made me forget about Sean.. I really liked him..but hes in love with Christine. I dont know what to do... it seems like im never good enought. how am i suppose to not let myself get attached?? everytime i do..i end up with my heart shattered into a million pieces. FUCK!!! i hate crying.. and i suck at life. Im just going to become a porn star and have lots and lots of sex and get an STD and DIE! thats all i feel like im worth. Current Mood: depressed and broken (Comment on this)
Friday, February 24th, 2006
1:16 pm	Christopher Robert... im sitting in this boring class.. i just got back from lunch with chris. hes cute. i like him a lot. im going to a party with him tonight. ♥ i cant help looking at him. Current Mood: excited (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 18th, 2006
3:28 pm	life.. well.. i can actually say rigth now that...i am a very fucked up person. ive cheated on my boyfried..who got me something for valentines day. i dont even like him..but im still with him. hes too clingy and always in my face. hes always touching me. and i think its weird. but the sad part is... i really love it.. just not from him. i would love it if sean did it.. if sean was always in my face and always touching me and really clingy. but HES NOT and i dont think he ever will be. he has to be told to pay attention to me. and he still doesnt pay that much attention to me. he gives her longer and better hugs and he pays more attention to her. and all i get is one stupid hug. my mom called me and said that he called for me last night. its kind of exciting. i dont know. i guess he likes me but.. he doesnt show it as much as he should.. thats why im with my boyfriend still.. he pays attention to me and as sad as it is..i actually live off of that..i cant handle someone not paying attention to me. so im staying with him because he gives me what i want on the surface..but what i really want is sean..because i kinda love him.. in my own way i do. and he could never know that. i hate him though. but its a cute kind of hate. im who i am when im with him..not who i want to be. because if i was who i wanted to be then in time i would realize that theres nothing wrong with who i am. he makes me cry at the drop of a hat..but nobody can make me laugh like he can. i dont get the same feeling when someone touches me or kisses me as i do with him. thats how i know... and deep down i know i can live with being with him. i know i can do it. i would have to not want attention so much..but i could do it and be happy. but i have a boyfriend.. who i dont even like.. my moms right..i fuck with peoples emotions.. she says i wait for boys to fall in love with me and string them along just to break their hearts..then i try to make people feel sorry for me when its all over like they did something wrong. the sad thing is..is thats true.. sounds exactly like me..huh? but its not my fault that boys think they are in love with me. its they're own fault. they shouldnt fall in love so fast and maybe it wouldnt hurt as much when i get rid of them. i sound like the biggest bitch right now..but maybe thats who i really am.. maybe im just going to be fucked up my whole life...and turn out like my mother. its my decision to choose the path i want to go down.. but how am i suppose to know how to find my way out when ive already gone so far..? Current Mood: creative (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 29th, 2005
3:26 am	heartbreak.suicide.first love.new love.confused all the time. oh my mother fucking gosh! so me and jeremy broke up like 2 days before our 3 month anniversary. i broke up with him. sad. he said we needed a "break" like the week before so i just decided to end it. if im not good enough for him now i wont be good enough for him later. ya know? omg he was so fucking mean to me. sending me messages on myspace calling me a cunt and a stupid whore. and telling me nobody likes me. i hate it. but whatever. then i found out i was pregnate. and i had to tell him cuz it would be his. so then he was all to my best friend "omg i was so mean to her i just want to hold her in my arms and tell her i love her and im sorry for everything i ever said" yeah basically. so then he called me to see if i was okay. then he wanted to get back together. and i said i dont know. cuz i mean i loved what me and him were together....but i wasnt really happy. im still...as much as i hate to say this....im still not fully over....sean. and i hate it. so much. well then i took like 59 pills and wiskey and almost died and i was in the hospital and i ended up having a miscarrage. so yeah. then he was all sorts of pissed off when he found out i tried to kill myself so he wasnt talking to me. and he told me he wanted nothing to do with me. so on like monday and tuesday the next week i was talking to jonathan and he kissed me. and zeke and eddie saw and almost kicked his ass. then they told jeremy and him and jeremy yelled at eachother when i was right there. and then jeremy walked away and i followed him and yelled at him the only thing he could say to me was "dont talk to me bitch" so whatever. hes not supposed to be mad...he told me he wanted nothing to do with me. omg. then i left after lunch and just went home. then i guess after 6th period jeremy and jonathan go into a fight and jonathan kicked jeremys ass. like jeremys nose is broken and jonathans lip is just broken a lil. but omg. i hate all of this. boys arent supposed to fight over girls. so that just made everything worse. and i still want to die. but then on wednesday........on wednesday i saw sean and he gave me a ride home and we kissed of corse. he kissed me first tho. i hate kissing boys. you dont even know.. i hate it so much!!!!!!!!! but i was reading all the messages jeremy sent me on myspace and they made me cry some were really happy and then some were really mean and sad. omg...i dont know what i want. i DONT want to be with jonathan. he had a girlfriend when he kissed me and he told me they broke up when really....they were going out the whole time. omg. i hate him now. but i dont know about jeremy and sean. sean doesnt want a relationship...but i dont either right now. and he says im the only one he want to be with or mess around wiht. me and him arent going to be anythig but people who mess around with eachother. i have such strong feelings for him it drives me insane. and when he kisses me now....his eyes are closed. yeah...closed. they were never closed before. i dont know what to think of that. but i like kissing him...and being wiht him and talking to him. but then theres jeremy .....he always showed me affection...everything reminds me of him cuz we spent so much time together. and i love him...but i dont love him the way i should. i dont have feeling for people like other people do. its weird...im crazy. but im so confused. Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 6th, 2005
9:21 pm	since ive been gone Okay so pretty much i havent been on in like 5 years. okay so....im going out with Jeremy James going on 3 months. and we are always fighting! its never ending! i hate it. but i love it all at the same time. cuz when we fight and get all pissed off we both know were not going to break up. and i think were going to be together for like the whole year. its pretty cool. i love him. its so weird saying that. the "l" word. at first when he started saying it first i felt all weird saying it to him. then we got into a really big fight of him saying "i love you" and me saying " no you dont" then he got all sorts of pissed off. and so then he stopped saying it as much. then i hung out with him more and started really falling for him and got scared and didnt say it at all. then i had to get over that and we say it normally now. i really love him. we have a whole bunch of cute little inside jokes! HE IS MY ONLY ONE!!!!! okay so me and chels are still best friends and we love eachother very much! <33333 she is like seriously the only person i can be real with. just me dont have to be any kind of fake i cant lie to her because if she gets mad at me i know everything will be fine cuz shes my best friend she knows me more then i know myself. i love her so much!!!! so having a new boyfriend means you hang out with all his friends. Kaylea shes my god sister if it wasnt for jeremy i would have never even knew about her. i love her she is my other best friend. we like hang out all the time!!!! and her boyfriend is my boyfriends best friend!!!! how cool! i love it. then theres....Zeke...kayleas bf....he is one of my really good friends. something really bad happend to me recently and zeke was here for me. Eddie...i can seriously tell him everything....he always trys to help me with all my problems with jeremy and i love it. even tho jeremy hates that im friends with them cuz he thinks their "picking up on me" so i basically...hate that. so with out chelsea and kaylea and those boys in my life i dont know what i would do. i cant imagine my life with out them at this point. well so today pretty much SUCKED so first jeremy was being all weird and he was acting like he was getting bored with me and he didnt want to be around me. and idk not really but kinda. he didnt act like it i could just kinda see it. even tho he was acting fine. but he was like all sad today! i hate him sometimes. but i love him too. its all so confusing! but i secretly love it. then after school i saw freaking sean and he kept on messing with my cell phone and putting his number in and changing his name to " im a idot for losing you" and "if only" ....what the shit????? so i was being such a bitch to him. and he was all "you've changed and i love you now...blah blah blah." and shit like that. so then he was all "you need to know the real story. and please come talk to me." so like a freakin idot....i talked to him. but i wasnt all nice and sweet and innocent jordyn like i use to be. i was so mean to him. i loved it so much. so we were talking and then he was like "i cant go the rest of my life knowing i hurt you that much." and then we started really getting into it and talking about what went wrong with us and then i started hitting him and pushing him and all sorts of violence! freakin shit. then he was " i want to finish this conversation so call me" and i was like bitch " i always call you so you call me" but he didnt have chelseas number so i was suppose to call him but i didnt. why would i...every time i freakin call him hes always like " im watching a movie so call me back" or not there. so if he cant stop watching a movie and talk to me then im obviously not that important...right? right. well so i never called him and i pretty much hate him. i miss jeremy a lot!!!! hes going to be gone the whole weekend. :'( im very sad.... BUT ME AND CHELSEA ARE GOING TO SLEEP NOW SO I MUST GO. LOVE. Current Mood: okay (Comment on this)
Friday, July 15th, 2005
6:19 pm	Sunday, June 12, 2005 Why cant i just get OVER YOU!!!!!!! Current mood: depressed Wow i dont know how to do this i cant get him out of my head he always there i try to get over him but sometimes i just dont want to. i always remember how happy i was when i was with him. i see flashbacks of him in my head---when he smiled, laughed, silly little things that i would remember. i fell in love with him---but i fell for the good him. theres TWO of him... i fell for the GOOD,nice, sweet, funny, smart, talented, perfect him. then he showed me the "i dont care about anything" " i dont give a shit about anyone" " I JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN" "relationships are better based on SEX" him. and when i see him now--- i see the good him. then i remember the bad him and i have to make myself STOP liking him. he made me belive he liked me then he just screwed me over. like it was no big deal! but if he really liked me then he wouldnt have kissed another girl RIGHT??? so obviously he didnt like me that much. i was just some dumb freshmen that would kiss him...thats the only thing he liked... RIGHT?---- RIGHT! so now... im done with him. hes DONE! FINISHED!! i cant keep going back to him. i cant keep letting him break my heart. my hearts been broked so much theres nothing left to break He seemed like everything ive always wanted in a boyfriend.... he seemed liked he liked kids hes a good Christian,he goes to church every Sunday he was friends with my friends. thats really important. thats who i fell in love with. I wonder all the time..... why wasnt i good enough? was i not pretty enough? what was wrong with me? I will get over him I WILL!!! and maybe in time we can become friends...... NO he totally hates me he wants nothing to do with me i dont think we could be friends.... i want to... but i dont think he does. But its cool we dont have to be friends. its not like he cares!! so why do i??? 1:05 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove -aLeXiO- Jordyn Don't EVER think that it was because u weren't pretty enough or good enough or that there is something wrong with u!. because none of that is true. you are freaking gorgeous. You are way better than good enough. and you are one of my closest friends and there is NOTHING wrong with you! you are a timeless beauty. you are flawless. and you are one of the best people i kno! and don't even think otherwise cuz anything otherwise is a freaking lie!! and you will get over u-kno-who. and years from now when u have all those freaking kidds u want with the man of ur freaking dreams u are going to laugh ur ass off (not that u have much of an ass anyways lol but maybe after u have all those freaking kidds u will) when u think back at this. lol so keep ur head up gurli! and u can call meeeeeeeeeeeeee if u ever need anything at all and u kno that! i'm here for u and try not to think him. hes so not worth ur time. Posted by -aLeXiO- on Sunday, June 12, 2005 at 5:41 PM [Remove] [Reply to this] Shayna jordan you are sooooo much better than him and you always will be no matter if hes the good one or the .... well the "other" one. you were always good to him you did the best you could and that makes you a good person... i mean think about it.... your pretty, you have guys at you feet, you have a great personality, the most beautifulest smile, everything a guy/friendneeds, you always have good advise, and even if you dont realize it youve learned alot and helped me to learn alot too. and if he couldnt see all this then he must have been blind and he has those half ass shaded dorky glasses for a reason.... he left you .. hes the bad guy.. and you deserve way better. i love you always shayna this is a blog that i wrote on myspace and im getting rid of it because i am finally over him. so i can erase him. but i want to keep it on my livejournal so i can remember what he did to me and remember how much he made me hurt. so goodbye sean dickinson. you are no longer in my life. Current Mood: okay (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 13th, 2005
2:48 pm	Jeremy James i really like him...sooo much he flirts and talks about me to his friends at school but he never actually gets to the point of asking me out. what im i kidding...he is way to good for me. he probably doesnt even really like me even though he told me he did. so i dont know...i think that if he likes me than he should do something about it. and if he doesnt then he should STOP leading me on!!!!! Current Mood: depressed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 26th, 2005
6:20 pm	summer Summer is going really good.... ive hung out with chelsea this whole time. shayna is out of town.... nathan wrote her on my space it was really cute what he said. i know she still likes him. only because she was freaking out when she read his email. im going to summer school. its okay i guess. i have pe and math. its fun cuz chelsea is in my pe class but she wont be anymore because shes going to ofl. but thats cool cuz i have other friends in that class. and i like going there because i get to see jeremy. i know he doesnt even like me anymore....but i still get to see him. but sometimes i dont like going to summer school because justin luna is there and i dont like talking to him. he scares me...a lot. my birthday is next weekend. shayna and chelsea will be back on the 2. so they will be here on my birthday so thats good. i dont know if i want to go to church on my birthday... i really dont want to see him... not yet anyway....but yeah.... i went down to redondo beach to see my cousin amandas 8th grade promotion... and i got to meet her boyfriend his name is r.j. she said she really likes him...and she told me some of the sweet things hes done for her and so i approve of him. well i better go for now <3 always. jordyn Current Mood: okay (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 29th, 2005
11:34 pm	This weekend was kind of boring...i spent a lot of time with my brothers and sister....now im at chelseas house with shayna and they went to san fransisco and now their back and i like hanging out with them....ive thought a lot about jeremy this weekend its kinda weird...i really feel bad for what i did to him but i dont think its going to work out with us anymore too much shit has happend...so yeah i probably need to forget about him and just move on and hes just a sex addict anyways so yeah i hope this thing with me and richard works out cuz that would be really cool..well i better go love always jordyn breann Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 21st, 2005
7:47 pm	my life is goin better okay so last night i went to the movies with chelsea,megan,shayna, and jeremy. it was really awakard. and we watched like 5 min. of the movie and then we all left and went to starbucks. but shayna lied to her mom and so then she got cought lieing and her mom came to pick her up. so she left. then it was just me chelse, megan and jeremy. and jeremy wanted to play spin the bottle. and he would spin it and it landed on me twice. but i wouldnt kiss him. then we were all walking back to the movies and jeremy wanted me and megan to kiss. so....well we did. the tounge and all. it was pretty hot. but i know that if shayna was there jeremy wouldnt have payed as much attention to us. i hate it that he likes her. i cant stand it. its driving me crazy. i want him to like me again. gosh i totally fucked our relationship, i wish i didnt cheat on him. because i think that if i didnt cheat on him we would still be going out. hopefully. well yeah today i hung out with chelsea and right now me and chelsea and megan are going to dennys cuz were cool drama kids. well chelsea is and i will be but thats not the point. yeah so im gonna go. bye bye for now. love always Jordan Breann Piepmeier (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 19th, 2005
5:18 pm	my life pretty much sux well two weeks ago i was so happy. but since he screwed me over everything is going bad. i feel like i have no one that i can trust. everyone turns their back on me and i cant handle it anymore. i know cutting myself wont help anything. but it feels good to bleed when your mad. why did he have to do this to me?? i still cry over him. i dont want to anymore. i thought we were gonna get back together everything was going so well. and then i find out he screwed me over once again. but this time was the last time, i have to be done with him. he has broken my heart too many times. i cant let him anymore. he was the first guy i ever loved and all i was to him was just some little whore he could use then dump when he was done with me. i hate people. if thats not bad enough the only good boyfriend i ever had likes my best friend and she likes him back. i dont know what to do there. i want her to be happy but that might make me unhappy. i just dont want to lose her as a friend over this. so i dont know. i have no one i can turn to know one i can trust. i hate my life. sometimes i wish i was dead. i mean were all gonna die in the end anyways so why not get it over with now. i dont have anything to live for. nobody loves me. but then i think "well things get worse before they get better". so maybe ill see what happends. and nothing is happening so far. but maybe it will. (Comment on this)